We get it, Bavarians, your vaunted Motoren Werke is a century old, and you?d like to celebrate. You?re also quite proud of your new 7-series, a vehicle so jam-packed with gee-whiz convenience features that we referred to it as ?a four-wheeled Passepartout? in a recent instrumented test. Unfortunately, the ultimate result of all this is a car carrying the most ridiculous and lamentable moniker of any production vehicle ever to emerge from your Dingolfing plant: the BMW Individual M760Li xDrive Model V12 Excellence THE NEXT 100 YEARS.

Yes, dear reader, that is the name Munich came up with to celebrate its centenary. They also came up with almost-as-silly ?BMW Individual 740Le iPerformance THE NEXT 100 YEARS,? the dangerously near-as-dumb ?BMW Individual 740Le xDrive iPerformance THE NEXT 100 YEARS,” the more succinct ?BMW Individual 750Li THE NEXT 100 YEARS,? and finally the more succinct-with-AWD ?BMW Individual 750Li xDrive THE NEXT 100 YEARS.? Have your eyes glazed over yet" Because we?re worried about the mental health of our copy desk after having to sift through this paragraph.
The distilled essence is that you can get the car with a four-cylinder hybrid, a V-8, or a V-12 with either rear-wheel drive or all-wheel drive, unless you pop for the twelve, which is AWD only. Please don?t try to go back and re-read the model names. You?ll hurt yourself, and we will not be held liable. Basically, BMW is giving you a host of fancy features, plus a unique Montblanc ...